1.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer
2.Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
3.It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
4.Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
5.When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
6.Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football– in that order.
7.Chuck Norris doesn’t stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
8.Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
9.Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
10.Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
11.Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
12.Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
13.Chuck Norris doesn’t play god. Playing is for children.
14.Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
15.Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
16.Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
17.Chuck Norris’ favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.
18.If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
19.Chuck Norris’s show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn’t run.
20.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.